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By Dr L D Mohan

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9 thoughts on “By Dr L D Mohan”

  1. Anger Management

    Anger is an emotion which, at times, is more hurtful then Physical injuries. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure etc. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of any outside force. Extreme anger and obsessive thoughts can be signs of depression. Like any other emotion, it is accompanied by physiological changes ie when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up.
    Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at any specific person or any situational or time stress ie event (a traffic jam, a cancelled flight etc etc ), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. We express anger by responding aggressively.
    Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. It inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviours, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, is definitely necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Laws & social norms place limits on how far our anger can take us.
    There are three main approaches ie expressing, suppressing, and calming

    1. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner

    2. Stop thinking about the issues disturbing you and focus on some other positive issues. However prevent anger turning inward ie on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression

    3. You can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behaviour, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

    Note: When none of these three techniques work, that’s when someone or something is going to get hurt.

    The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can’t get rid of or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
    Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
    Some people really are more “hot headed” than others.
    They get angry more easily and more intensely than an average person. People who are easily angered generally have low tolerance for frustration. They can’t take things in stride, and they’re particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust. Generally People, who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications. It’s best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

    How To Avoid Anger

    · When you are subjected under Instantaneous Stress

    When some people are subjected to Instantaneous Stresses, they tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms which may reflect their inner thoughts. Your thinking may get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. We must try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones under such situations.

    For instance, instead of telling yourself,
    “oh, Everything’s ruined,”
    Tell yourself
    “It’s frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world. Getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow”
    And thereafter try to Relax by deep breathing and calm down your angry feelings by saying “ All is Well, All is Well”
    Examples of Instantaneous ie Spontaneous Stresses are Road Accidents, Some One abusing you etc

    When you are subjected to Situational Stresses
    When you are being subjected to Situational Stress, your anger is justified and that there’s no way to solve particular Situation.
    Under such circumstances, Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won’t make you feel better and Anger may actually make you feel worse. Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational.. Remind yourself that you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of life. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, is not to focus on just finding the solution only, but rather on how you must handle and face the particular situation.
    Non strenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you’re in stressful situation.

    · Better Communication It’s natural to get defensive when you’re in conflict. but don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the message that other person might feel to convey. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don’t let your anger spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one

    · Using Humour “Silly humour” can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humour can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. Use humour to help yourself face the situation more constructively. Second, don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humour; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression. For Example I used to loose anger on the Bad & Abusive behaviour of Mr Guddu Singh. I started imagining his name as “Jhuddu Singh” and used to draw imaginery funny pictures of Jhudu Singh in my mind. Every time, I saw him with his family, I imagined Jhudu Singh along with Foot balls ie his family members . I could substantially vent my anger after the misadventures of the individual. Whenever i met him on Cross Roads, I recollected his funny Pictures and gave him Broad Smile. ( Of Course My Internal Anger has now been transferred to him )

    · Changing Your Environment Sometimes it’s our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the “trap” you seem to have fallen into. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some “personal time” scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes “nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire.” After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
    Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe it’s just habit. Try changing the times when you talk about such important matters. You shall find these talks do not turn into arguments. Avoidance: If your child’s chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don’t make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don’t say, “well, my child should clean up the room so I won’t have to be angry!” That’s not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm. Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project. Learn or map out a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train. Do You Need Counselling? If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counselling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behaviour. Remember, you shall never be able to eliminate anger completely from your life. In spite of all your efforts, there shall be situations which cause you anger may be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can’t change that; but definitely you can change the way you let such events affect you & your health by controlling your Anger.

    Psychologists recommend a balanced approach to anger, which both controls the emotion and allows the emotion to express itself in a healthy way. Some descriptions of actions of anger management are:

    Direct, such as not beating around the bush, making behavior visible and conspicuous, to indicate angry feelings clearly and honestly,
    Honorable, such as making it apparent that there is some clear moral basis for the anger
    Focused, such as sticking to the issue of concern, not bringing up irrelevant material.
    Persistent, such as repeating the expression of feeling in the argument over and over again, standing your ground, self defense.
    Courageous, such as taking calculated risks, enduring short term discomfort for long term gain, risking displeasure of some people
    Passionate, such as using full power of the body to show intensity of feeling, being excited and motivated, acting dynamically and energetically, initiating change, showing fervent caring, being fiercely protective, enthusing others.
    Creative, such as thinking quickly, using more wit, spontaneously coming up with new ideas and new views on subject.
    Forgiveness, such as demonstrating a willingness to hear other people’s anger and grievances, showing an ability to wipe the slate clean once anger has been expressed.
    Listen to what is being said to you. .
    Physiological disorders like Thyroid problem, essential hypertension also contribute to anger and that can be controlled if those disorders are treated well by medical practitioners.
    By developing feelings of love, compassion and urge to help others by peaceful ways, one can control anger. Alok Mohan

  2. Inculcating “Sanskar”
    Sanskar means carrying family values and attributes. Sanskar helps achieving spiritual nourishment and peace of mind While we grow. Sanskar give a spiritual touch to us. Meaning of Sanskar’ is to purify, to refine, to supplement, to brighten and to adorn the inner conscience. However its meaning in wider sense is as deep as the depth of the ocean and as vast as the spread of the sky.

    ‘Sanskar’ is a process, which transforms a person into an ideal & outstanding personality by eradicating/ diminishing the negative mental tendencies existing in him and by inculcating human values & qualities to make him more dynamic, discreet, duty conscious and responsible towards himself as well as the society.

    ‘Sanskar’ is like plantation of a seed of human values into the subconscious of a person during his childhood so that adherence of these values becomes part of his nature and keeps on guiding him throughout his life. A person acts according to the ideals which exist in his subconscious without being aware of them. Thus his decisions, his reactions to actions of others and the quality of his actions depend upon the values existing in his subconscious. Conduct and behaviour of a person are always according to his inner values, which remain his guiding force. Sanskar’ purifies feelings, thoughts and actions/deeds and adds momentum of life. Sanskar purifies inner conscious of the person and makes life meaningful.

    ‘Sanskar’ adds good conduct, good thoughts and human qualities to a man’s personality and sublimates his mind. . A man sans human values is like an animal. . Sanskar forms a culture and develops social values. The Culture, Conduct, Behaviour and Sanskar are integrated to each other
    A Hindu Mother is the heart of the home. Giving love and understanding and having patience and good listening skills will all help to build Sanskar in her children. Setting by good example earns respect and these attributes & traits follow down the family tree. We must always make time for our kids and have a good sense of humour and try to be calm always.
    Rewarding good behaviour of child really does help. Treasure of Sanskar during the early years of life help children to be successful in life. If you are calm and positive then your home is a happy home and everyone will want to keep coming back. The Woman of the house has a great responsibility to make this all work together in harmony.
    So a Mothers influence is very important and can mould her children into positive loving adults. We must be very open and honest and trusting with our children. We must not make a BIG deal when our child does something wrong, as long as he informs us what he did. There after we should advise him so that he understands and is capable in differentiating Good & Bad.
    No matter how loving the parent-child bond, parents inevitably heave a sigh of relief when their adult kids finally start paying their own way and become self-sufficient.

  3. Creativity
    Creative thinking is more important now a days than ever before due rapid pace of development in technology. We need creativity to be successful in all spheres of our lives.
    Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire You desire what you imagine and at last you create what you desire.
    Imagination Imitates. Creative minds are rarely tidy and negative thinking is enemy of creativity
    There are four ways to increase the level of creativity
    1) Create an environment conducive to more creative thinking
    2) Surround your self with more creative people
    3) Find ways to build up the creative ideas
    4) Brain Storming – brainstorming can help us not only come up new ideas, but can also help us decide which is best idea.
    Brainstorming can be an effective way to generate lots of ideas on a specific issue and then determine which idea – or ideas – is the best solution. Brainstorming is most effective with groups of 8-12 people and may be performed in a relaxed environment. If participants feel free to relax and joke around, they’ll stretch their minds further and therefore produce more creative ideas.
    Where do these creative ideas come from? We must find Inspiration for creative ideas in books, magazines, newspapers, on the internet, journals, and any where else we can think of and find inspiration for getting the creative ideas.
    You may get creative ideas by any of the following methods
    When Getting Relaxed – Keep a paper & Pencil next to you & write down your thoughts when getting relaxed.
    Giving Gratitude – Thinking about all things you are grateful for produces a positive energy flow and vibration. ( we feel the love in our hearts for all the wonderful blessings and gifts in our lives, We will instantly relax and feel all warm-and-fuzzy inside. In that moment of warmth and love, we are open to creative energy)
    Imagination – Imagination is highly visual. Try closing eyes, and imagine
    Be In the Moment – Live the ongoing moment of life.
    Be Inspired – Practice seeing beautiful things that moves you emotionally.
    Draw -. “Drawing” forces us to see things differently.
    See Alternatives – Be curious to find alternatives to do something differently..
    Be Open – Never shut down any idea that comes your way, do not make judgments about it. Appreciate any idea that comes to you, even ones that seem “stupid” or “obvious”. This way, you encourage more creative ideas.

  4. One Door Closes..Another Opens
    When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him
    fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen,
    either He’ll catch you when you fall,
    or
    He’ll teach you how to fly!
    ‘The power of one sentence!
    God is going to shift things around for you today
    and let things work in your favor.
    God closes doors no man can open
    &
    God opens doors no man can close.
    Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing

  5. Success
    There was a farmer who grew superior quality, award-winning corn in his farm. Each year, he entered his corn in the state fair where it won honors & prizes.

    One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew his corn. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.

    “How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?” The reporter asked. “Why brother”

    ” The farmer replied, “Didn’t you know? The wind picks up pollen grains from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior, sub-standard & poor quality corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I have to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors to grow good corns.”

    The farmer gave a superb insight into the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbors’ corn also improves. So it is in the other dimensions and areas of life!

    Those who choose to be in harmony must help their neighbors and colleagues to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others live well. The value of a life is measured by the lives it touches…

    Success does not happen in isolation; it is most often a participatory and collective process. So share the good practices, ideas and new knowledge with your family, friends, team members and neighbors & all. As they say: “Success breeds Success.”

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