Anger Management by Alok Mohan

Anger Management

 Anger is an emotion which, at times, is more hurtful then Physical injuries. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure etc. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of any outside force.Extreme anger and obsessive thoughts can be signs of depression. Like any other emotion, it is accompanied by physiological changes ie  when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at any specific person or any situational or time  stress ie event (a traffic jam, a cancelled flight etc etc ), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. We  express anger by responding aggressively.

Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. It inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviours, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger,  is definitely necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Laws & social norms place limits on how far our anger can take us. 
There are three main approaches ie expressing, suppressing, and calming

1.     Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner

2.     Stop thinking about the issues disturbing you and focus on some other  positive issues. However prevent anger  turning inward ie on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression

3.     You can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behaviour, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

Note: When none of these three techniques work, that’s when someone or something is going to get hurt.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can’t get rid of or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

Some people really are more “hot headed” than others.

They get angry more easily and more intensely than an average person. People who are easily angered generally have low tolerance for frustration. They can’t take things in stride, and they’re particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust. Generally People, who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications. It’s best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

How To Avoid Anger

• When you are subjected under Instantaneous Stress

When some people are subjected to Instantaneous Stresses, they tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms which may reflect their inner thoughts. Your thinking may get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. We must try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones under such situations.

For instance, instead of telling yourself,

“oh, Everything’s ruined,”

Tell yourself

 “It’s frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world. Getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow”

And thereafter try to Relax by deep breathing and calm down your angry feelings by saying “ All is Well, All is Well”

Examples of Instantaneous ie Spontaneous Stresses are Road Accidents, Some One abusing you etc

When you are subjected to Situational  Stresses

When you are being subjected to Situational Stress, your anger is justified and that there’s no way to solve particular Situation.

Under such circumstances, Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won’t make you feel better and Anger may actually make you feel worse. Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational.. Remind yourself that you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of life. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, is not to focus on just finding the solution only, but rather on how you must handle and face the particular situation.

Non strenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you’re in stressful situation.

• Better Communication It’s natural to get defensive when you’re in conflict.  but don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the message that other  person might feel to convey. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don’t let your anger spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one

• Using Humour “Silly humour” can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humour can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. Use humour to help yourself face the situation more constructively. Second, don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humour; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression. For Example I used to loose anger on the Bad & Abusive behaviour of Mr ———. I started imagining his name as “Mr Jhuddu” and used to draw imaginery funny pictures of Jhudu  in my mind. Every time, I saw him with his  family, I imagined Jhudu Singh along with  Foot balls ie his family members . I  could substantially vent my anger after the misadventures of the individual. Whenever i met him on Cross Roads, I recollected his funny Pictures and gave him Broad Smile. ( Of Course My Internal Anger has now been transferred to him )

• Changing Your Environment Sometimes it’s our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on  you and make you feel angry at the “trap” you seem to have fallen into. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some “personal time” scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes “nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire.” After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
  Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe it’s just habit. Try changing the times when you talk about such important matters. You shall find these talks do not turn into arguments.Avoidance: If your child’s chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don’t make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don’t say, “well, my child should clean up the room so I won’t have to be angry!” That’s not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm. Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project. Learn or map out a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.Do You Need Counselling? If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counselling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behaviour. Remember, you shall never be able to eliminate anger completely from your life. In spite of all your efforts, there shall be situations which  cause you anger may be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can’t change that; but definitely you can change the way you let such events affect you & your health by controlling your Anger.

Psychologists recommend a balanced approach to anger, which both controls the emotion and allows the emotion to express itself in a healthy way. Some descriptions of actions of anger management are:

Direct, such as not beating around the bush, making behavior visible and conspicuous, to indicate angry feelings clearly and honestly,

Honorable, such as making it apparent that there is some clear moral basis for the anger

Focused, such as sticking to the issue of concern, not bringing up irrelevant material.

Persistent, such as repeating the expression of feeling in the argument over and over again, standing your ground, self defense.

Courageous, such as taking calculated risks, enduring short term discomfort for long term gain, risking displeasure of some people

Passionate, such as using full power of the body to show intensity of feeling, being excited and motivated, acting dynamically and energetically, initiating change, showing fervent caring, being fiercely protective, enthusing others.

Creative, such as thinking quickly, using more wit, spontaneously coming up with new ideas and new views on subject.

Forgiveness, such as demonstrating a willingness to hear other people’s anger and grievances, showing an ability to wipe the slate clean once anger has been expressed.

Listen to what is being said to you. .
Physiological disorders like Thyroid problem, essential hypertension also contribute to anger and that can be controlled if those disorders are treated well by medical practitioners.
By developing feelings of love, compassion and urge to help others by peaceful ways, one can control anger. Alok Mohan  www.mqc.in

Some Anger Management Quotes

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. – Buddha.

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.

Seneca.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing

Will Rogers.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging

Will Rogers.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret

Ambrose Bierce.

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it

Marcus Aurelius.

Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help

Thomas Fuller.

No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched

George Jean Nathan.

There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust

St. Francis De Sales.

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow

Chinese Proverb.

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size

Sydney J. Harris

He who angers you conquers you

Elizabeth Kenny

Anger is one letter short of danger

Eleanor Roosevelt

If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot

Korean Proverb

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Malachy McCourt

Resentment is stabbing yourself to get at the person behind you Unknown

Resentment is setting yourself on fire so the smoke will annoy someone

Unknown

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools

Albert Einstein

Anger is short-lived madness

Horace

Anger blows out the lamp of the mind

Robert G. Ingersoll

Anger is a killing thing:  it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him

Louis L’Armour

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee

 William H. Walton